My old blog got deleted before I got the chance to go in and save the posts I wanted to keep for my kids to read in the future. (I realized the domain was expiring but honestly thought I'd still be able to log in to see my past posts.) Some were birthday messages I can't recreate, or posts about particularly exciting stages of our lives, vacation recaps, etc. But, there are 3 posts I can recreate. How each child got their name.
Peter and I took naming our children very seriously. A person's name is their identity. Usually, for their entire life. It's often the first thing people know about you; before personality, accomplishments, appearance: your name. And for parents to chose that name for this tiny little human, without knowing who they will become: it's both a great honor and a lot of pressure.
Names have always fascinated me. For that reason I often ask people about their names: why did your parents chose that name? What's your middle name? What does it mean? Do you like your name? From all my prying I've concluded this: people who were given names with meaning are much more likely to enjoy their name.
My theory is: Our kids can never hear their name the way we hear it. It'll be their name. They'll hear it in reference to themselves their whole life. At nauseam. Even their peers won't be able to hear their name the way we do. Every generation lives in such a different world. What sounds fresh to one generation can sound played out to the next. What sounds exotic may sound plain. Or vice versa. So, when people say "they just liked the sound of it" about their parent's name choice, it's often said in a monotone voice, with a shrug, because they can't understand what was so alluring about "Jennifer ".
Our kids will never hear their name, or any other name, the way we hear them. So if you think you've chosen the most beautiful name in the world and you're certain they'll find it just as beautiful: Sorry, you're probably wrong.
A name that is not only beautiful but the name of your grandmother, though. That's something other than sound she can appreciate. A definition that summarizes your hopes for his future.... these sentiments can be so treasured that it overrides the difference in how a name sounds to your ear vs. your child's.
(Fyi I started this post to describe how we chose Lucille's name. About 3 paragraphs ago I realized I was going into a very long tangent and decided to run with it. So check back soon for the posts about my kid's names.)
Since a name is the first gift we give our child, and one that will go with them everywhere, I do think it's wise to try to chose one they will like. Obviously, nothing will guarantee that. However, I think the more thought put into their name, the more you can increase your odds. Plus, there are a lot of ways to give your child a name with meaning, and I think it's fun.
You already have your heart set on a name and you're gutted thinking it won't sound as appealing to your child? Dig a little deeper. Just because you are drawn to the name based on sound doesn't mean you can't build a case of other reasons it's a worthy choice. When I look at names I like to search on behindthename.com. It is loaded with information about the origin of names and famous bearers. Wikipedia and nameberry are good sources too but when pressed with conflicting information I trust behind the name.
Find a namesake or two and learn more about them. I'm sure that learning about inspiring people who wore your favorite name will only increase your fondness for it. And hopefully, your child will be inspired by them as well.
Optiom 2: Think about what you want your child's name to represent, then search. Whether you want your child to know how long you waited for them, want them to follow their dreams, want their name to represent their Dutch heritage.... Figure out that number 1 item you want to represent and head to Google or one of the sites listed above.
Lastly, you can sit down with your partner and just talk about things important to you. Things that make you happy. Your favorite memories. Your hopes and dreams. Your values. See what names naturally come up. To get the ball rolling, here's some questions you can ask when conversation dries up:
- What is your favorite book, movie, band, song, etc?
- What is the best vacation you ever went on?
- Where do you want to go on vacation someday?
- Who was your favorite teacher?
- What is your favorite season?
Don't forget to also talk about how far you've come in your relationship. Can you find a name inspired by where or when you met, married, the flowers he sent after your first date?
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| Random picture because what kind of picture do you include in this kind of post? |
Now, you have a meaningful name. There is one more thing I feel should be considered. Will the name fit your child? And to answer this you need to accept the fact that despite your interests, priorities, demeanor, etc. you know nothing about your child.
When I was naming children I made a list of 10 males and 10 females. As different as individual people could possibly be. I would picture each of the 10 people and pretend they had the chosen name. Of course, even the most versatile name will fit some individuals on the list better than others. But I was looking to make sure the name wasn't alarmingly unfitting for any type of person.
So there it is. Naming advice from an obvious expert. Follow it exactly. (Obvious sarcasm. I'm just a nerd.)
