This is my first year sending 2 kids out to school in the morning. It's been an interesting adjustment. High lights from our first week include:
Lucille puking the night before her first day of school.
Getting a call from the nurse the second day of school. Lennon makes a face constantly where he closes just one eye and holds this wink for a minute or so. His teachers interpreted this to mean his eye hurt!
The fifth day Lucille came home sick with a headache and slept from 2:50 pm - 6:30 am. Of course she woke several times, too much in pain to do anything and just wanting to be snuggled back to sleep.
A good preview for the next several germy months....
Lucille seems to like kindergarten but from the notes they send home it seems like so much more work!! She likes learning though, so I'm hopeful it'll be a good year. She has 3 friends from her pre school class in her new class, one who sits right next to her, which she was thrilled about. Also one of her friends from dance class is in kindergarten with her.
She claimed not to like her teacher but I think she's just really missing her preschool teacher. Lennon now has the teacher she had last year and I don't know if that's good for her, because she can still see her occasionally through her brother and hear about her every day... Or if it's bad because she's jealous her brother gets to go off to the classroom and teacher she currently prefers every day. The last 2 days she's come home from school with a small prize for nice behavior and I think these prizes have made her feel more favorable about her teacher finally.
Tomorrow we are going to a birthday party for a girl in her class. I'm not sure Lucille even knows which girl it is who's having the party. But she wants to go and I figured it could only help her make friends to see some of them outside of school.
Overall, she's adjusting quicker than I expected, and I expected a quick adjustment since she's our social butterfly. This weekend we are working on learning to tie shoes. When everyone in the class knows how to tie shoes they get a pizza party.
Lennon is feeling very conflicted in his new role as student. He knows his teachers well because they were Lucille 's teachers. He loves them. He enjoys the activities they do: painting, coloring, playing outside, reading, etc. He says all the kids in his class are nice. But, he misses me very badly. And I think he's also overwhelmed by all the noise and the crowd.
He asked me why I signed him up for school and I told him I thought he'd have fun. He told me he doesn't have fun and asked me to "sign him out", which to a 4 year old is the natural opposite of signing up.
He also excitedly tells me about books they've read, songs they listened to, tells me things he wants to do at school the next day. Sunday he had me put green wax in his hair and when he found out the bath would wash it out and his teacher wouldn't see it he made me take a picture and send it to her.I
Thursday I let him skip. All Wednesday evening he just cried about wanting to stay home with me. Now he says he wants more days off sometimes. But not music days. Or art days. Or library days. Every day he has one of those specials so... Looks like he won't be getting any more days off.... I do hope I can get him to focus more on all the fun he is having and not the missing me. I think we're headed in the right direction. The moments when he is upset and fighting going are some of my toughest mom moment though. Particularly because it's pre scholars it's not required, so why force him?? If I genuinely believed he didn't like it, I wouldn't. But he does like it...
I'm very lucky to have gotten the opportunity to eat lunch with the kids twice. My mom stayed with Truman one day and Peter had a couple flex hours to use up at work so stayed with him the other time. Lennon wants me to eat lunch with him every day. I'm trying to make it a weekly event but with Truman, it's be impossible to do more.
I enjoyed going to lunch and getting to know some of their new friends. Their principal wants to get some sort of walking program started where parents volunteer to walk the track with kids at the end of lunch or something.... I don't really know many details. But he assured me Truman could come and would enjoy it, so that might be something I do at the school in the future.
Saturday, September 14, 2019
Thursday, July 25, 2019
Books That Have Managed to Hold My Attention in my Current State of Chronic Sleep Deprivation
Still spending hours a day nursing Truman or allowing him to nap on me, I've recently stopped mindlessly scrolling social media and have spent that time reading. I've missed reading for fun. I think I got discouraged by reading as I was attempting to read Steinbeck, per my husband's suggestion. And I do agree with him that Steinbeck is a phenomenal author but on 2 hours of sleep a night... Not so much! I currently am seeking easy, somewhat jovial reading. But I also have a low tolerance for books that are just fluff from authors who publish 5 books a year. You know the kind, read like a romcom starring Katherine Heigl. Here are some I've found recently that bridge that gap nicely.
The Snow Child by Eowyn Ivey. Part forklore, part snapshot of Alaskan life; this book sucked me in it's very first pages. Mabel is introduced as such a perfect characterization of quiet depression and I felt her sadness immediately. Throughout the book I continued to be overwhelmed by the many emotions. Ivey's descriptions transported me so I felt I was living on Jack and Mabel's Alaskan homestead, I could see the sights, smell the smells and feel the weather as I tuned the pages. I can't wait to read more from Ivey.
Sourdough by Robin Sloan. This was an extremely easy read that was just strange enough to hold my interest. A good story about finding your passion and yourself in the most unlikely of places... Admittedly I was disappointed in the ending. I wanted a different moral of the story... Perhaps that was too much to hope for such a light-hearted tale. I won't say anything more for fear of spoiling the story. But if you read it I'd love to hear your thoughts on it.
Furious Hours: Murder, Fraud and the Last Trial of Harper Lee by Casey Cep. Cep is a writer I will have to keep an eye on. This was her first book but she sleighed it. I'd describe her style as friendly text book. This book is really 3 stories in one:
Cep presents the facts in a professional tone, guiding the reader to draw their own conclusions. It was a very enjoyable read.
- The story of a Reverend who is believed to have murdered several family members to collect insurance money.
- The court proceedings for the man who killed the aforementioned Reverend.
- Harper Lee's coverage of the trial with a brief biography of her life before and after.
Cep presents the facts in a professional tone, guiding the reader to draw their own conclusions. It was a very enjoyable read.
My Antonia by Willa Cather. I've heard several people go on and on about Willa Cather but I've never actually read anything of hers until now. I enjoyed her somewhat romanticized glimpse of frontier life. The characters all seem a bit cliche now, but seeing as it was written over 100 years ago, that's to be expected. Overall, it was a nice feel good tale about days gone by. I'll probably read more from Cather again but she's not at the top of my current list.
The Farm by Joanne Ramos. This book packed a big punch for a quick read. This novel is fiction but is actually a pretty accurate glimpse of our current society. Immigration, wage inequality, education, parenting... All themes tied together in the stories of Jane, Mae, Reagan and Ate.
There There by Tommy Orange. Another first time author that impressed me. There There follows the lives of Native Americans living in or traveling to modern day Oakland, California. A good look at their current culture and sense of community, or for some lack of. Each character struggles with his own personal dilemnas as well as identity issues surrounding their heritage. Definitely worth a read!
Monday, July 15, 2019
Life Right Now
Life has been so busy but so beautiful lately. I'm not going to pretend it's been constant laughs and smiles. We have our moments of frustration and tears. But overall the kids are all at really fun, loving and hilarious stages. Every day they do something that has me laughing. And it makes my heart sad knowing in time I'll forget so many of these moments. So I thought I'd take a moment to share some stories from life recently. Years from now I'll look back on this post and cry about how big my babies have gotten.
Truman's personality is really developing. He gives the best smooches and challenges everyone to screaming matches. (He is always victorious.) He says daaah-yeee for Daddy and calls me Momba!
He asks to have dance parties and his dancing mostly consists of head banging. Though, tonight he was watching Lucille's dance recital DVD and started trying to do ballet with the 10 year olds in stage. Adorable!
Lennon has been super into our library trips. He is constantly asking me "can we get an interlibrary loan for ____?" (Ps we're so lucky to have such a nice library in town that is also connected to dozens of other libraries that we can also borrow from.)
At the end of the school year Lucille would recap her days on the car ride and Lennon has already mastered his I'm not really listening response. "Wow sissy, I had no idea school was so interesting." "Wow sissy, I had no idea gym class was so interesting."
Our cat has been on a real killing spree in our yard. We've found lots of chipmunks, mice, squirrels and birds. A Fisher lived in our yard during the winter and early spring before our constant trips outside caused him to relocate. He killed a HUGE hare.... I didn't know there were hares near my house. Anyways I thought these bodies would scar my kids. Instead they are very intrigued and have made a list of the dead things they've seen. It's actually incredible. They recognize it's sad and don't delight in death, but are truly interested in seeing the insides of these animals... Definitely a trait they get from their dad.
I should clarify, my kids acknowledge how sad it is for the family of furry dead bodies we find in our yard. Insects are different. Lucille feels no compassion for them. The second she sees an insect she screams for someone to "come die it!" 🤣
My sister in law's favorite Lucille story is when she asked her if she liked SpongeBob and she said no. Then after a moment of contemplation said "Actually I like SpongeBob because him's a cheese and I love cheese."
My favorite recent Lucille memory is her pre-school graduation. Well she was singing songs on stage she locked eyes with Truman most of the program and every time he would clap she clapped along with him. It was so sweet to watch her interacting with her baby brother during a moment of such excitement and so many faces.
Oh and I overheard Lucille say this while her and Lennon played today: "Batman, it's time to come home." "Okay mom!"
Truman's personality is really developing. He gives the best smooches and challenges everyone to screaming matches. (He is always victorious.) He says daaah-yeee for Daddy and calls me Momba!
He asks to have dance parties and his dancing mostly consists of head banging. Though, tonight he was watching Lucille's dance recital DVD and started trying to do ballet with the 10 year olds in stage. Adorable!
Lennon has been super into our library trips. He is constantly asking me "can we get an interlibrary loan for ____?" (Ps we're so lucky to have such a nice library in town that is also connected to dozens of other libraries that we can also borrow from.)
At the end of the school year Lucille would recap her days on the car ride and Lennon has already mastered his I'm not really listening response. "Wow sissy, I had no idea school was so interesting." "Wow sissy, I had no idea gym class was so interesting."
Our cat has been on a real killing spree in our yard. We've found lots of chipmunks, mice, squirrels and birds. A Fisher lived in our yard during the winter and early spring before our constant trips outside caused him to relocate. He killed a HUGE hare.... I didn't know there were hares near my house. Anyways I thought these bodies would scar my kids. Instead they are very intrigued and have made a list of the dead things they've seen. It's actually incredible. They recognize it's sad and don't delight in death, but are truly interested in seeing the insides of these animals... Definitely a trait they get from their dad.
I should clarify, my kids acknowledge how sad it is for the family of furry dead bodies we find in our yard. Insects are different. Lucille feels no compassion for them. The second she sees an insect she screams for someone to "come die it!" 🤣
My sister in law's favorite Lucille story is when she asked her if she liked SpongeBob and she said no. Then after a moment of contemplation said "Actually I like SpongeBob because him's a cheese and I love cheese."
My favorite recent Lucille memory is her pre-school graduation. Well she was singing songs on stage she locked eyes with Truman most of the program and every time he would clap she clapped along with him. It was so sweet to watch her interacting with her baby brother during a moment of such excitement and so many faces.
Oh and I overheard Lucille say this while her and Lennon played today: "Batman, it's time to come home." "Okay mom!"
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| 2 out of 3 of my hams with their block city. |
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| And ham #3, laughing at himself. |
Saturday, July 13, 2019
Happy Birthday Lennon Wallace
My sweet Lennon Wallace, how is it you're 4 years old? These 4 years have gone so fast, yet I can't imagine how I lived my life before you came along.
Lennon, you are the lovingest being I've ever met. Your heart is so tender and pure that it makes my heart break wishing we could all be half as sweet as you.
You're full of energy and wonder. You love to explore but love coming home more. You know exactly what you want, how you want it, where you want it .. and you make it happen with your unmatched persistence.
Your curly hair is as untamed as your spirit. I'll miss these days with you... Singing, dancing, creating. You sing "All You Need Is Love" dozens of times every day as well as a couple rounds of "True Colors" and "Can't Stop the Feeling". You color and draw endlessly, taking such pride in your work. You're an amazingly helpful and proud big brother who gives Truman endless and unconditional love. You're an adoring little brother who hangs on every word Lucille says and wants to play with her every second of the day. Your current stage of life is so fun and precious and I hope to always remember it vividly. But I also look forward to what's to come. I know you'll form amazing friendships in school, get a thrill out of learning and adopt new interests. I can't wait to watch your life unfold.
Thank you, Lennon, for choosing me to he your mom. The love you give me is something no person is truly worthy of, but it has made me a better person as I attempt
to be a deserving recepient and give such transparent love and acceptance back to this world.
Lennon, you are the lovingest being I've ever met. Your heart is so tender and pure that it makes my heart break wishing we could all be half as sweet as you.
You're full of energy and wonder. You love to explore but love coming home more. You know exactly what you want, how you want it, where you want it .. and you make it happen with your unmatched persistence.
Your curly hair is as untamed as your spirit. I'll miss these days with you... Singing, dancing, creating. You sing "All You Need Is Love" dozens of times every day as well as a couple rounds of "True Colors" and "Can't Stop the Feeling". You color and draw endlessly, taking such pride in your work. You're an amazingly helpful and proud big brother who gives Truman endless and unconditional love. You're an adoring little brother who hangs on every word Lucille says and wants to play with her every second of the day. Your current stage of life is so fun and precious and I hope to always remember it vividly. But I also look forward to what's to come. I know you'll form amazing friendships in school, get a thrill out of learning and adopt new interests. I can't wait to watch your life unfold.
Thank you, Lennon, for choosing me to he your mom. The love you give me is something no person is truly worthy of, but it has made me a better person as I attempt
to be a deserving recepient and give such transparent love and acceptance back to this world.
Thursday, May 16, 2019
Happy Birthday Truman James
Truman, I can't believe you're a year old! It seems like yesterday you were doing acrobatics from within my uterus. I'm so lucky to have had this year with you and I can't wait to see who you become in the years that follow.
At every ultrasound, technicians couldn't believe how much you were moving. It's not surprising to report that you've been the most active and curious of all my babies. (Who I firmly believe have all been more active and curious than the average babe.) You keep us on our toes.
You are so happy and loving. You adore your siblings and want to do everything they do. And usually you do. Yesterday you climbed slides at the playground and climbed their (plastic) rock formation with zero assistance. Never would I have thought an (almost) one year old could do that.
You love new environments. You love to watch people and talk to people... If we're in a crowd and no stranger is fawning over you, you'll yell to get their attention. And then give the biggest smile.
You don't enjoy being alone. At all. You sleep with your head on my chest. But usually you're fighting sleep. There's just too much exploring to do for you to ever willingly fall asleep. But at all times, we'd better be watching you explore and applauding your efforts. That way you can applaud with us because clapping your hands is your favorite.
Truman, you're so spunky and sweet. With your larger than life personality and your silly little gap tooth smile. I'm so glad you chose me to be your mom. You're the perfect final puzzle piece to this crazy, loving family.
Happy Birthday Truman. I love you more than I could ever put into words.
At every ultrasound, technicians couldn't believe how much you were moving. It's not surprising to report that you've been the most active and curious of all my babies. (Who I firmly believe have all been more active and curious than the average babe.) You keep us on our toes.
You are so happy and loving. You adore your siblings and want to do everything they do. And usually you do. Yesterday you climbed slides at the playground and climbed their (plastic) rock formation with zero assistance. Never would I have thought an (almost) one year old could do that.
You love new environments. You love to watch people and talk to people... If we're in a crowd and no stranger is fawning over you, you'll yell to get their attention. And then give the biggest smile.
You don't enjoy being alone. At all. You sleep with your head on my chest. But usually you're fighting sleep. There's just too much exploring to do for you to ever willingly fall asleep. But at all times, we'd better be watching you explore and applauding your efforts. That way you can applaud with us because clapping your hands is your favorite.
Truman, you're so spunky and sweet. With your larger than life personality and your silly little gap tooth smile. I'm so glad you chose me to be your mom. You're the perfect final puzzle piece to this crazy, loving family.
Happy Birthday Truman. I love you more than I could ever put into words.
Thursday, March 21, 2019
Happy 5th Birthday Lucille Beatrice!!!
I can't believe I'm writing this. 5?? That's not a baby, it's a kid! I've never struggled with a birthday as much as I'm struggling with this one.
Lucille, 5 years ago I finally got to see your beautiful face. I had been waiting my whole life to meet the special little person who would make me a mom. I never imagined that person could be as amazing as you. You've brought me more joy than I can put into words.
This past year you've grown more than I realized was ever possible. I am blown away by all you've learned and all you continue to learn. You've always been inquisitive but lately it's reached a whole new level. When you were 2 and would ask why repeatedly, but now you ask informed questions with follows ups. You pay attention to the answers and bring them up in later conversations. I hope I can foster your love of learning and that you are always eager to keep digging until you find all the answers you seek.
You are so considerate of others. You can easily identify other's feelings and are always eager to try to turn any negative feelings around. You help Truman whenever you get the opportunity. If I am feeling overwhelmed you show tremendous understanding and help guide me back to the peaceful mom I want to be. If a friend is hurt your top priority is to make them feel better.
You're still my little ballerina. You do tap and ballet now, but ballet is where your passion is. Still my social butterfly, making friends wherever you go. In the summer you'll be my cheerleader, which you are so excited for! Everything you do, you do with such energy and optimism and I just love watching you and hearing about all the adventures you have when I'm not around. I could go on and on about all the ways you've brightened my life. But the bottom line is, you are my motivation to he a better person every day I wake up. Because you show so much love and maturity that it let's me know I can. And because you deserve me at my best. You're my role model and my best friend.
Don't forget, you promised me now that you're finally 5 you will stay 5 forever. Oh, how I wish I could hold you to that promise and keep you close. But even if I could it would be selfish. Because I know when you're grown you'll make the world a brighter place.
Happy birthday Lucille! Thank you for choosing me to be your Mom! I love you with all my heart.
Lucille, 5 years ago I finally got to see your beautiful face. I had been waiting my whole life to meet the special little person who would make me a mom. I never imagined that person could be as amazing as you. You've brought me more joy than I can put into words.
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| After 47 hours of labor I finally met you! By time we got out of the operating room all your aunts, uncles and grandparents were waiting in our recovery room. |
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| Your first birthday we had everyone over for a dance party! |
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| Your 2nd birthday we went out to eat at the charcoal corral and you played in the arcade for the first time! |
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| Your 3rd birthday we wanted to take you to a local restaurant that has all you can eat pancakes. You woke up sick that day so we spent the day at home where you played with new toys and tried on all the clothes and bathing suits you got. |
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| Your 4th birthday you wanted to go a toy store. So you took your first (and last) ever trip to Toys R Us and then we went to IHOP where you had cake flavored pancakes. |
This past year you've grown more than I realized was ever possible. I am blown away by all you've learned and all you continue to learn. You've always been inquisitive but lately it's reached a whole new level. When you were 2 and would ask why repeatedly, but now you ask informed questions with follows ups. You pay attention to the answers and bring them up in later conversations. I hope I can foster your love of learning and that you are always eager to keep digging until you find all the answers you seek.
You are so considerate of others. You can easily identify other's feelings and are always eager to try to turn any negative feelings around. You help Truman whenever you get the opportunity. If I am feeling overwhelmed you show tremendous understanding and help guide me back to the peaceful mom I want to be. If a friend is hurt your top priority is to make them feel better.
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| The night before your 5th birthday after dance class. Per usual, you dressed yourself and looked beautiful. |
You're still my little ballerina. You do tap and ballet now, but ballet is where your passion is. Still my social butterfly, making friends wherever you go. In the summer you'll be my cheerleader, which you are so excited for! Everything you do, you do with such energy and optimism and I just love watching you and hearing about all the adventures you have when I'm not around. I could go on and on about all the ways you've brightened my life. But the bottom line is, you are my motivation to he a better person every day I wake up. Because you show so much love and maturity that it let's me know I can. And because you deserve me at my best. You're my role model and my best friend.
Don't forget, you promised me now that you're finally 5 you will stay 5 forever. Oh, how I wish I could hold you to that promise and keep you close. But even if I could it would be selfish. Because I know when you're grown you'll make the world a brighter place.
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| On your 5th birthday you went to school and I got to join you part of the day. You brought brownies to share with the class and the book Lulu's Party. Later we will go back to the school for family fun night. |
Happy birthday Lucille! Thank you for choosing me to be your Mom! I love you with all my heart.
Sunday, March 3, 2019
My Naming Philosophy
My old blog got deleted before I got the chance to go in and save the posts I wanted to keep for my kids to read in the future. (I realized the domain was expiring but honestly thought I'd still be able to log in to see my past posts.) Some were birthday messages I can't recreate, or posts about particularly exciting stages of our lives, vacation recaps, etc. But, there are 3 posts I can recreate. How each child got their name.
Peter and I took naming our children very seriously. A person's name is their identity. Usually, for their entire life. It's often the first thing people know about you; before personality, accomplishments, appearance: your name. And for parents to chose that name for this tiny little human, without knowing who they will become: it's both a great honor and a lot of pressure.
Names have always fascinated me. For that reason I often ask people about their names: why did your parents chose that name? What's your middle name? What does it mean? Do you like your name? From all my prying I've concluded this: people who were given names with meaning are much more likely to enjoy their name.
My theory is: Our kids can never hear their name the way we hear it. It'll be their name. They'll hear it in reference to themselves their whole life. At nauseam. Even their peers won't be able to hear their name the way we do. Every generation lives in such a different world. What sounds fresh to one generation can sound played out to the next. What sounds exotic may sound plain. Or vice versa. So, when people say "they just liked the sound of it" about their parent's name choice, it's often said in a monotone voice, with a shrug, because they can't understand what was so alluring about "Jennifer ".
Our kids will never hear their name, or any other name, the way we hear them. So if you think you've chosen the most beautiful name in the world and you're certain they'll find it just as beautiful: Sorry, you're probably wrong.
A name that is not only beautiful but the name of your grandmother, though. That's something other than sound she can appreciate. A definition that summarizes your hopes for his future.... these sentiments can be so treasured that it overrides the difference in how a name sounds to your ear vs. your child's.
(Fyi I started this post to describe how we chose Lucille's name. About 3 paragraphs ago I realized I was going into a very long tangent and decided to run with it. So check back soon for the posts about my kid's names.)
Since a name is the first gift we give our child, and one that will go with them everywhere, I do think it's wise to try to chose one they will like. Obviously, nothing will guarantee that. However, I think the more thought put into their name, the more you can increase your odds. Plus, there are a lot of ways to give your child a name with meaning, and I think it's fun.
You already have your heart set on a name and you're gutted thinking it won't sound as appealing to your child? Dig a little deeper. Just because you are drawn to the name based on sound doesn't mean you can't build a case of other reasons it's a worthy choice. When I look at names I like to search on behindthename.com. It is loaded with information about the origin of names and famous bearers. Wikipedia and nameberry are good sources too but when pressed with conflicting information I trust behind the name.
Find a namesake or two and learn more about them. I'm sure that learning about inspiring people who wore your favorite name will only increase your fondness for it. And hopefully, your child will be inspired by them as well.
Optiom 2: Think about what you want your child's name to represent, then search. Whether you want your child to know how long you waited for them, want them to follow their dreams, want their name to represent their Dutch heritage.... Figure out that number 1 item you want to represent and head to Google or one of the sites listed above.
Lastly, you can sit down with your partner and just talk about things important to you. Things that make you happy. Your favorite memories. Your hopes and dreams. Your values. See what names naturally come up. To get the ball rolling, here's some questions you can ask when conversation dries up:
Now, you have a meaningful name. There is one more thing I feel should be considered. Will the name fit your child? And to answer this you need to accept the fact that despite your interests, priorities, demeanor, etc. you know nothing about your child.
When I was naming children I made a list of 10 males and 10 females. As different as individual people could possibly be. I would picture each of the 10 people and pretend they had the chosen name. Of course, even the most versatile name will fit some individuals on the list better than others. But I was looking to make sure the name wasn't alarmingly unfitting for any type of person.
So there it is. Naming advice from an obvious expert. Follow it exactly. (Obvious sarcasm. I'm just a nerd.)
Names have always fascinated me. For that reason I often ask people about their names: why did your parents chose that name? What's your middle name? What does it mean? Do you like your name? From all my prying I've concluded this: people who were given names with meaning are much more likely to enjoy their name.
My theory is: Our kids can never hear their name the way we hear it. It'll be their name. They'll hear it in reference to themselves their whole life. At nauseam. Even their peers won't be able to hear their name the way we do. Every generation lives in such a different world. What sounds fresh to one generation can sound played out to the next. What sounds exotic may sound plain. Or vice versa. So, when people say "they just liked the sound of it" about their parent's name choice, it's often said in a monotone voice, with a shrug, because they can't understand what was so alluring about "Jennifer ".
Our kids will never hear their name, or any other name, the way we hear them. So if you think you've chosen the most beautiful name in the world and you're certain they'll find it just as beautiful: Sorry, you're probably wrong.
A name that is not only beautiful but the name of your grandmother, though. That's something other than sound she can appreciate. A definition that summarizes your hopes for his future.... these sentiments can be so treasured that it overrides the difference in how a name sounds to your ear vs. your child's.
(Fyi I started this post to describe how we chose Lucille's name. About 3 paragraphs ago I realized I was going into a very long tangent and decided to run with it. So check back soon for the posts about my kid's names.)
Since a name is the first gift we give our child, and one that will go with them everywhere, I do think it's wise to try to chose one they will like. Obviously, nothing will guarantee that. However, I think the more thought put into their name, the more you can increase your odds. Plus, there are a lot of ways to give your child a name with meaning, and I think it's fun.
You already have your heart set on a name and you're gutted thinking it won't sound as appealing to your child? Dig a little deeper. Just because you are drawn to the name based on sound doesn't mean you can't build a case of other reasons it's a worthy choice. When I look at names I like to search on behindthename.com. It is loaded with information about the origin of names and famous bearers. Wikipedia and nameberry are good sources too but when pressed with conflicting information I trust behind the name.
Find a namesake or two and learn more about them. I'm sure that learning about inspiring people who wore your favorite name will only increase your fondness for it. And hopefully, your child will be inspired by them as well.
Optiom 2: Think about what you want your child's name to represent, then search. Whether you want your child to know how long you waited for them, want them to follow their dreams, want their name to represent their Dutch heritage.... Figure out that number 1 item you want to represent and head to Google or one of the sites listed above.
Lastly, you can sit down with your partner and just talk about things important to you. Things that make you happy. Your favorite memories. Your hopes and dreams. Your values. See what names naturally come up. To get the ball rolling, here's some questions you can ask when conversation dries up:
- What is your favorite book, movie, band, song, etc?
- What is the best vacation you ever went on?
- Where do you want to go on vacation someday?
- Who was your favorite teacher?
- What is your favorite season?
Don't forget to also talk about how far you've come in your relationship. Can you find a name inspired by where or when you met, married, the flowers he sent after your first date?
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| Random picture because what kind of picture do you include in this kind of post? |
Now, you have a meaningful name. There is one more thing I feel should be considered. Will the name fit your child? And to answer this you need to accept the fact that despite your interests, priorities, demeanor, etc. you know nothing about your child.
When I was naming children I made a list of 10 males and 10 females. As different as individual people could possibly be. I would picture each of the 10 people and pretend they had the chosen name. Of course, even the most versatile name will fit some individuals on the list better than others. But I was looking to make sure the name wasn't alarmingly unfitting for any type of person.
So there it is. Naming advice from an obvious expert. Follow it exactly. (Obvious sarcasm. I'm just a nerd.)
Wednesday, February 27, 2019
We Just Couldn't Wait To Have You
I aim to be grateful for what I have and believe that envy is one of the most poisonous emotions. But on my weaker days I have found myself scrolling social media envious of most family pictures I encounter. Not because of the families, though. It's the damn perfect houses in the background. On days I lack confidence, I feel bad for not being able to give my kids a cleaner, prettier home.
Peter and I bought our house in May 2012, almost 2 years before Lucille was born. It's big! 3 bedrooms, 2 baths and an extra room that could easily be converted into a bedroom. We still plan on turning it into a bedroom. It's not one yet though....
When we bought our house we could have bought a starter home. 2 small bedrooms, but fully updated. No hideous wallpaper or shag green carpet like our house had. Our realtor made us look at starter homes as he thought that would be our best bet. But it was never what we wanted.
We wanted 3 kids and a house big enough to raise them. Big enough for everyone to have their own room. To stay in our budget though, we knew that would mean a house that needed work.
We figured we'd work on it slowly, 1 room at a time and in 5 or so years it'd be exactly how we wanted it. It's been almost 7 years.... it's not even close to done.
One bathroom is in such rough shape we pretty much just pretend it doesn't exist. Our kitchen floor was coming up so bad that we tore it out and now our kitchen is just sub flooring.
Don't get me wrong, there's nice parts of our house too. Lucille's room, the upstairs bathroom, our living room and what is supposed to be the dining room but is pretty much a play room. Those 4 rooms are exactly how I want them. The others are in worse shape than they were 7 years ago.
And that's okay. Our home projects have been pushed off because we've been too busy raising a family.
You kids have taken all our time and all our money. And I'm so happy for that.
So yes, sometimes I look at Facebook and see a baby eating in a beautiful kitchen and I feel envious. Particularly on days that I've spent trying to clean appliances older than me and get yogurt off of sub flooring. But then I remember why we're living this way. A few more years living in an outdated mess = a few more years with my kids. We could have waited. We could have put our renovations on our to do list before having kids... But how boring would living in the perfect house be without my little loves?
So kids, Every time I'm frustrated by the state of our house, I just look at you. And having you here means so much more. It complicates renovations. Besides a lack of funds, we have 3 more people to work around and relocate. Plus, you offer up suggestions like "I want a rainbow kitchen" in complete seriousness and become heartbroken when your parents don't agree. But, hey, maybe some of your suggestions will be.... usable. I'm excited that our whole family is able to work together to perfect our home. But the most important part of our home is already complete: the inhabitants.
Peter and I bought our house in May 2012, almost 2 years before Lucille was born. It's big! 3 bedrooms, 2 baths and an extra room that could easily be converted into a bedroom. We still plan on turning it into a bedroom. It's not one yet though....
When we bought our house we could have bought a starter home. 2 small bedrooms, but fully updated. No hideous wallpaper or shag green carpet like our house had. Our realtor made us look at starter homes as he thought that would be our best bet. But it was never what we wanted.
We wanted 3 kids and a house big enough to raise them. Big enough for everyone to have their own room. To stay in our budget though, we knew that would mean a house that needed work.
We figured we'd work on it slowly, 1 room at a time and in 5 or so years it'd be exactly how we wanted it. It's been almost 7 years.... it's not even close to done.
One bathroom is in such rough shape we pretty much just pretend it doesn't exist. Our kitchen floor was coming up so bad that we tore it out and now our kitchen is just sub flooring.
Don't get me wrong, there's nice parts of our house too. Lucille's room, the upstairs bathroom, our living room and what is supposed to be the dining room but is pretty much a play room. Those 4 rooms are exactly how I want them. The others are in worse shape than they were 7 years ago.
And that's okay. Our home projects have been pushed off because we've been too busy raising a family.
 |
| Note the panelled walls and subflooring in the background of this and all kitchen pictures. |
You kids have taken all our time and all our money. And I'm so happy for that.
So yes, sometimes I look at Facebook and see a baby eating in a beautiful kitchen and I feel envious. Particularly on days that I've spent trying to clean appliances older than me and get yogurt off of sub flooring. But then I remember why we're living this way. A few more years living in an outdated mess = a few more years with my kids. We could have waited. We could have put our renovations on our to do list before having kids... But how boring would living in the perfect house be without my little loves?
So kids, Every time I'm frustrated by the state of our house, I just look at you. And having you here means so much more. It complicates renovations. Besides a lack of funds, we have 3 more people to work around and relocate. Plus, you offer up suggestions like "I want a rainbow kitchen" in complete seriousness and become heartbroken when your parents don't agree. But, hey, maybe some of your suggestions will be.... usable. I'm excited that our whole family is able to work together to perfect our home. But the most important part of our home is already complete: the inhabitants.
Sunday, February 24, 2019
Valentine's Day at our Hive
This year the kids were very excited for Valentine's Day. Lucille and I picked out Valentine cards to give her class weeks ago and ever since the kids have been counting down the days.
Lucille picked out a Valentine and a sucker for each of her classmates and her teachers and signed her name to all of them. It was a lot of fun to help with. To include Lennon in the giving I got down materials for him to make his dad a card. He really put his all into it. Colors, stickers, he even used scissors on it.
Before Lucille headed off to school we gave the kids 9 hearts: 3 purple, 3 blue and 3 red. 3 things that make each kid unique and that we love about them. Lucille's were: great dancer, story teller extraordinaire and fashion expert (the last was her favorite). Lennon 's were: phenomenal puzzle skills, excellent veggie cutter and funny man woka woka! (That was his favorite.) Truman's were food enthusiast, cuddly man and fearless. You wouldn't believe how special these construction paper hearts made them feel. They are now hung on their bedroom doors.
Lucille came home with a bag of goodies and she graciously shared some with Lennon. She clearly had a fantastic celebration at school and I loved hearing all about it. And she made me the world's cutest Valentine!!
When Daddy came home we gave them each a Valentine chocolate: a unicorn for Lucille, a toad for Lennon and an owl for Truman. I was afraid they would want to consume it all in a single sitting but surprisingly, they regulated themselves. They ate about a forth at a time and managed to make their chocolate last a week. (Most of Truman's is still in the cupboard.)
$1 chocolate and construction paper hearts would have been enough to keep my bees happy. But I happened to find a huge Disney coloring book I knew Lennon would love and a sticker book I knew Lucille would love just days before Valentine's day, so this year they got a little extra. Lucille has been off school all week so those activities have helped keep them entertained.
I didn't snap a single picture of the kids on Valentine's day. But I think I managed to keep things low key while making them feel special. So, I definitely consider the day a success!
Lucille picked out a Valentine and a sucker for each of her classmates and her teachers and signed her name to all of them. It was a lot of fun to help with. To include Lennon in the giving I got down materials for him to make his dad a card. He really put his all into it. Colors, stickers, he even used scissors on it.
Before Lucille headed off to school we gave the kids 9 hearts: 3 purple, 3 blue and 3 red. 3 things that make each kid unique and that we love about them. Lucille's were: great dancer, story teller extraordinaire and fashion expert (the last was her favorite). Lennon 's were: phenomenal puzzle skills, excellent veggie cutter and funny man woka woka! (That was his favorite.) Truman's were food enthusiast, cuddly man and fearless. You wouldn't believe how special these construction paper hearts made them feel. They are now hung on their bedroom doors.
When Daddy came home we gave them each a Valentine chocolate: a unicorn for Lucille, a toad for Lennon and an owl for Truman. I was afraid they would want to consume it all in a single sitting but surprisingly, they regulated themselves. They ate about a forth at a time and managed to make their chocolate last a week. (Most of Truman's is still in the cupboard.)
$1 chocolate and construction paper hearts would have been enough to keep my bees happy. But I happened to find a huge Disney coloring book I knew Lennon would love and a sticker book I knew Lucille would love just days before Valentine's day, so this year they got a little extra. Lucille has been off school all week so those activities have helped keep them entertained.
I didn't snap a single picture of the kids on Valentine's day. But I think I managed to keep things low key while making them feel special. So, I definitely consider the day a success!
Friday, February 8, 2019
Let's Talk Shit!
I'm writing this post because most parents don't. But I know many parents could. It's about our children's bathroom issues.
If you don't want to read about our particular bathroom issues, but want to see how this might apply to you scroll down to the paragraph that starts with ***
Lucille and Lennon both potty trained right before their third birthday. With Lucille it was pretty much over in a week. Occasional accidents afterward, a few instances where she really constipated herself and didn't want to go... But no big or constant issues.
Lennon is a different story. He seemed to learn right away, then he regressed, got it again back and forth for probably two months. Then, once he seemed toilet trained completely, we realized his poops were suddenly much less frequent. They became less and less frequent and after awhile, when he finally pooped it would usually be in his underwear. Or at least, it would start there.
Pee accidents were rare. On the few occasions they happened, it was when he hadn't pooped in days, so I knew it was a symptom of his constipation.
Here we are, 8 months since he was "potty trained". He still has poop accidents sometimes. Not as frequently. But he poops once or twice a week. And he doesn't poop until he's in serious pain. He will not try until there is so much poop in his system that he can't get comfortable enough to sleep. He cries in the middle of the night and either Peter or I spend an hour in the bathroom with him while he poops out bigger poops than I've ever seen.
It's great that his poop usually comes out in the toilet... I suppose I could consider that progress. But, when it comes out he's in terrible pain. Not just that, (though that would be enough) it's become a source of worry, stress and a scheduling nightmare. I find myself planning our whole family's life around when Lennon pooped last.
I found a book at my library called "It's No Accident" by Steve J. Hodges, who is a pediatric urologist. And it made me look at the whole picture. I try to help Lennon after each poop as if he finally got all the poop out, now we're starting with a clean slate. I need to get him lots of fiber, I need to make sure he's hydrated, I need to give him constant opportunities to potty. I have not been addressing the fact that this is a chronic issue. And that he is never fully emptying his system.
***If you skipped ahead, here is the part where you figure out if this book might apply to issues you're having with your kids. I got this book knowing Lennon was constipated. But a lot of kids are constipated and their parents have no idea. They poop regularly. But they don't get it all out. Kids who are having pee accidents, whether at night or during the day, often have limited bladder space because they have so much poop backed up. They also have trouble controlling their "potty muscles" as their colon is stretched out from holding so much poop. Urinary tract infections are also often a result of constipation. Or frequent, unexplained stomach aches.
About 30% of kids are severely constipated and many parents don't suspect it. And it makes sense. Kids don't want to stop playing long enough to poop. Then the poop gets bigger. Then it hurts. Then they don't want to stop playing OR deal with the pain. Vicious cycle. Add to that most kids aren't getting the proper amount of fiber...
The book had a chart with different kinds of poop so you can identify if your child's daily poops are the ideal poop, or if they're an indication that there is more being held in. Seriously though, a chart of poop! I never thought this is a book I'd have to read. And I certainly never thought I would enjoy the read and recommend it to others.
I did enjoy it. Dr. Hodges wrote very casually with light humor and it was obvious he was extremely knowledgeable. His book made me realize how many parents are baffled by bathroom problems and just blown off and told many kids have such trouble. And though it's true that many kids do, that doesn't make it healthy or mean there's nothing to do about it.
Furthermore, people so rarely talk about toilet trouble with their kids because our society views that as a sign of poor parenting. People brag when their 2 year old is fully potty trained and make excuses when their 4 year old is still struggling. It's assumed that the parents of the 2 year old are superior parents, the parents of the 4 year old are lazy... And of course the 2 year old is viewed as intelligent, but the 4 year old... not so much.
Dr. Hodges outlines a plan to basically cleanse your constipated child and we will be starting that TONIGHT. And of course I'll post an update on how that goes.
In the meantime, if your child is having potty issues, I highly recommend this book. And if you work with small children, I recommend you read this book and share it with any parents that could benefit from it. Hell, if you have a kid not yet potty training, I still recommend this book. Hopefully with this information you can prevent constipation and stop any potty issues as soon as they may start.
If you don't want to read about our particular bathroom issues, but want to see how this might apply to you scroll down to the paragraph that starts with ***
Lucille and Lennon both potty trained right before their third birthday. With Lucille it was pretty much over in a week. Occasional accidents afterward, a few instances where she really constipated herself and didn't want to go... But no big or constant issues.
Lennon is a different story. He seemed to learn right away, then he regressed, got it again back and forth for probably two months. Then, once he seemed toilet trained completely, we realized his poops were suddenly much less frequent. They became less and less frequent and after awhile, when he finally pooped it would usually be in his underwear. Or at least, it would start there.
Pee accidents were rare. On the few occasions they happened, it was when he hadn't pooped in days, so I knew it was a symptom of his constipation.
Here we are, 8 months since he was "potty trained". He still has poop accidents sometimes. Not as frequently. But he poops once or twice a week. And he doesn't poop until he's in serious pain. He will not try until there is so much poop in his system that he can't get comfortable enough to sleep. He cries in the middle of the night and either Peter or I spend an hour in the bathroom with him while he poops out bigger poops than I've ever seen.
It's great that his poop usually comes out in the toilet... I suppose I could consider that progress. But, when it comes out he's in terrible pain. Not just that, (though that would be enough) it's become a source of worry, stress and a scheduling nightmare. I find myself planning our whole family's life around when Lennon pooped last.
I found a book at my library called "It's No Accident" by Steve J. Hodges, who is a pediatric urologist. And it made me look at the whole picture. I try to help Lennon after each poop as if he finally got all the poop out, now we're starting with a clean slate. I need to get him lots of fiber, I need to make sure he's hydrated, I need to give him constant opportunities to potty. I have not been addressing the fact that this is a chronic issue. And that he is never fully emptying his system.
***If you skipped ahead, here is the part where you figure out if this book might apply to issues you're having with your kids. I got this book knowing Lennon was constipated. But a lot of kids are constipated and their parents have no idea. They poop regularly. But they don't get it all out. Kids who are having pee accidents, whether at night or during the day, often have limited bladder space because they have so much poop backed up. They also have trouble controlling their "potty muscles" as their colon is stretched out from holding so much poop. Urinary tract infections are also often a result of constipation. Or frequent, unexplained stomach aches.
About 30% of kids are severely constipated and many parents don't suspect it. And it makes sense. Kids don't want to stop playing long enough to poop. Then the poop gets bigger. Then it hurts. Then they don't want to stop playing OR deal with the pain. Vicious cycle. Add to that most kids aren't getting the proper amount of fiber...
The book had a chart with different kinds of poop so you can identify if your child's daily poops are the ideal poop, or if they're an indication that there is more being held in. Seriously though, a chart of poop! I never thought this is a book I'd have to read. And I certainly never thought I would enjoy the read and recommend it to others.
I did enjoy it. Dr. Hodges wrote very casually with light humor and it was obvious he was extremely knowledgeable. His book made me realize how many parents are baffled by bathroom problems and just blown off and told many kids have such trouble. And though it's true that many kids do, that doesn't make it healthy or mean there's nothing to do about it.
Furthermore, people so rarely talk about toilet trouble with their kids because our society views that as a sign of poor parenting. People brag when their 2 year old is fully potty trained and make excuses when their 4 year old is still struggling. It's assumed that the parents of the 2 year old are superior parents, the parents of the 4 year old are lazy... And of course the 2 year old is viewed as intelligent, but the 4 year old... not so much.
Dr. Hodges outlines a plan to basically cleanse your constipated child and we will be starting that TONIGHT. And of course I'll post an update on how that goes.
In the meantime, if your child is having potty issues, I highly recommend this book. And if you work with small children, I recommend you read this book and share it with any parents that could benefit from it. Hell, if you have a kid not yet potty training, I still recommend this book. Hopefully with this information you can prevent constipation and stop any potty issues as soon as they may start.
Saturday, January 26, 2019
Our Nighttime Routine
Night time has always been a HUGE struggle around here. Always 2 steps forward and 1 step back when we make progress for a peaceful bedtime. With Lucille in full day pre school, we were forced to kick our efforts up a notch.
I'm not going to pretend bedtime is perfect every night. But we're doing a lot better than we used to, thanks to our below schedule/ check list.
Peter gets home a bit after 4:30 and our wind down and bedtime routine starts shortly after. At 5:00 if any electronics are on, we shut those off. If anyone needs a bath, this is the time we do that... otherwise, it's playtime for an hour while mommy and daddy get dinner ready.
Dinner is at 6 and kicks off our night time check list. The goal is for everyone to be snuggled into bed between 7 and 7:30.
We've made a checklist with pictures of our family doing all these things. I put it in a protective plastic sleeve so we can check off items as we go along. It works really well for my kids. It helps them to know what to expect next. It also takes the power off us as the parents. We're following the list right along with the kids. No risk for a power struggle if we're not the ones dictating instructions and it comes from a piece of paper (even though we obviously made the paper.) Here are the items on our list.
Dinner: We do an after school snack at 3:30 and the kids usually eat quite a bit then so dinner is actually a pretty small meal for them.
Family Story Time: We used to always do books in bed. But some days it turns into asking for another book, and another, and another... and sometimes even one story would wind the kids up. So, a bigger gap in time between the story and trying to sleep seemed smart.
Clean Up Time: This one is for me. Despite making progress with Lucille and Lennon, Truman doesn't get to sleep until about 9 and then I'm trapped underneath him... So coming down to clean usually isn't an option. And I hate coming down at 6 am to yesterday's mess everywhere. We often use Alexa to listen to music while we clean.
Lotion, Pajamas and Pick Out Tomorrow's Clothes
Brush Teeth and Potty
In Bed
Other than a checklist the biggest advice I can give is to make sure you stay calm. And trust me, there are nights I cannot accomplish this. When they are insisting they're thirsty, need to pee again, aren't tired, heard a noise... on the inside I'm screaming "go to sleep!!!! For fuck's sake, close your freaking eyes, stop talking and just sleep!!!" But showing any form of agitation, annoyance or straight up anger, it'll just wind the kids up more. So, whenever possible, take a deep breaths and calmly just keep encouraging your little one to settle down and rest.
We wake Lucille up at 6:30 to get ready for school. Of course, if she has to be woken that means she hasn't slept enough. So, I always feel good the mornings that she wakes up herself around 6:20 or so. I'd say we have about a 60% success rate. So, an expert I am not. But I've spent LOTS of time trying to perfect this nightly routine, so I thought I'd share our current arrangement.
I'm not going to pretend bedtime is perfect every night. But we're doing a lot better than we used to, thanks to our below schedule/ check list.
Peter gets home a bit after 4:30 and our wind down and bedtime routine starts shortly after. At 5:00 if any electronics are on, we shut those off. If anyone needs a bath, this is the time we do that... otherwise, it's playtime for an hour while mommy and daddy get dinner ready.
Dinner is at 6 and kicks off our night time check list. The goal is for everyone to be snuggled into bed between 7 and 7:30.
We've made a checklist with pictures of our family doing all these things. I put it in a protective plastic sleeve so we can check off items as we go along. It works really well for my kids. It helps them to know what to expect next. It also takes the power off us as the parents. We're following the list right along with the kids. No risk for a power struggle if we're not the ones dictating instructions and it comes from a piece of paper (even though we obviously made the paper.) Here are the items on our list.
Dinner: We do an after school snack at 3:30 and the kids usually eat quite a bit then so dinner is actually a pretty small meal for them.
Family Story Time: We used to always do books in bed. But some days it turns into asking for another book, and another, and another... and sometimes even one story would wind the kids up. So, a bigger gap in time between the story and trying to sleep seemed smart.
Clean Up Time: This one is for me. Despite making progress with Lucille and Lennon, Truman doesn't get to sleep until about 9 and then I'm trapped underneath him... So coming down to clean usually isn't an option. And I hate coming down at 6 am to yesterday's mess everywhere. We often use Alexa to listen to music while we clean.
Lotion, Pajamas and Pick Out Tomorrow's Clothes
Brush Teeth and Potty
In Bed
Other than a checklist the biggest advice I can give is to make sure you stay calm. And trust me, there are nights I cannot accomplish this. When they are insisting they're thirsty, need to pee again, aren't tired, heard a noise... on the inside I'm screaming "go to sleep!!!! For fuck's sake, close your freaking eyes, stop talking and just sleep!!!" But showing any form of agitation, annoyance or straight up anger, it'll just wind the kids up more. So, whenever possible, take a deep breaths and calmly just keep encouraging your little one to settle down and rest.
We wake Lucille up at 6:30 to get ready for school. Of course, if she has to be woken that means she hasn't slept enough. So, I always feel good the mornings that she wakes up herself around 6:20 or so. I'd say we have about a 60% success rate. So, an expert I am not. But I've spent LOTS of time trying to perfect this nightly routine, so I thought I'd share our current arrangement.
Friday, January 11, 2019
The Shameful Environment of Social Media
The Internet can be such a great educational tool. We can learn anything we want, so easily, for free. We can expand our horizons and understand the plight of others by just googling it. We can pull any information from the Internet we want to... But we are also having a lot of information pushed at us. And what is being pushed at us is often one sided. These pictures, articles, opinions on our newsfeeds make the viewer feel fear and without realizing it they start judging situations that they have only heard one side of, treating it as the only side.
I think we all know this can be applied to politics. But I'm not going there today. I'm going into parent shaming.
A few months ago it was suspected Truman had craniosynostosis. The CT scan revealed he did not, but my new pediatrician wanted me to see a specialist so he could confirm the results and let us know if there was anything else to worry about. It seemed likely he would need a helmet. The thought of this originally panicked me almost as much as surgery had. Why?
I have noticed that I see many more babies in helmets now than I saw in my childhood. And I've seen plenty of articles, memes, etc. regarding why. Basically, lists of activities that you should and should not do with your baby, and a warning that not abiding by these rules will result in your child needing a helmet. I never saw this as offensive, more of a friendly warning. But then when I was told Truman would likely need a helmet all these social media warnings came rushing to my mind. But I did tummy time! He never used a rock and play, rarely used a swing!I did everything right! That's when I realized, I saw those memes, patted myself on the back for doing everything right and moved on with my day. Other moms saw the same thing, knew they did everything right too, and hung their head in shame knowing that strangers looked at their baby's helmeted head and assumed it was due to negligence.
Just a couple weeks ago I saw a post on a baby led weaning Facebook group. A mom asking if anyone else had a baby with a helmet and if so, how they kept it clean at meal time. I was reading the responses, knowing I may be in this situation soon. (And boy does Truman make a mess!) Then I got to one mother's response and it was something like this:
My child doesn't have a helmet so I don't have advice about that. But, my pediatrician told me that so many kids needs helmets because they spend too much time on their backs. So maybe if you lay him in his tummy more, hold him in your lap... have you tried wearing him instead of laying him down?
I already had this blog post created, I just didn't want to publish it until I had an update on Truman. And reading that comment on a thread of dozens of mom's with helmet head babies... heartbreaking! I'm sure the person thought they were being helpful and was completely unaware of their ignorance. But I know some moms read that in sorrow and some in rage.
Are some babies in helmets because their parents didn't do enough tummy time? Perhaps. But I'm sure many more need it due to genetics. And I'm sure they are much more common now than 20 years ago because of medical advancements making them more available.
I'm sorry if my one sided knowledge has ever caused me to judge you. I never realized myself judging the parents when I saw a baby in a helmet, but I must have. Because the thought of Truman in a helmet made me feel judged. And now I wonder, what other issues do I subconsciously judge based on lopsided information I've encountered on Facebook?
What parenting issues would you like to set the record straight on?
An update on Truman: we saw a neurosurgeon Tuesday. Truman is completely in the clear in regards to craniosynostosis, he does not have it nor is there any reason to think sutures in his skull could still fuse too soon. In the past couple months he has been growing into his head and it had been rounding out. Nothing was said at yesterday's appointment about a helmet and since the issue seems to be resolving itself, we didn't inquire. His head will probably always be large, that's just his head... when he gets some hair it probably won't be as noticeable.
I think we all know this can be applied to politics. But I'm not going there today. I'm going into parent shaming.
A few months ago it was suspected Truman had craniosynostosis. The CT scan revealed he did not, but my new pediatrician wanted me to see a specialist so he could confirm the results and let us know if there was anything else to worry about. It seemed likely he would need a helmet. The thought of this originally panicked me almost as much as surgery had. Why?
I have noticed that I see many more babies in helmets now than I saw in my childhood. And I've seen plenty of articles, memes, etc. regarding why. Basically, lists of activities that you should and should not do with your baby, and a warning that not abiding by these rules will result in your child needing a helmet. I never saw this as offensive, more of a friendly warning. But then when I was told Truman would likely need a helmet all these social media warnings came rushing to my mind. But I did tummy time! He never used a rock and play, rarely used a swing!I did everything right! That's when I realized, I saw those memes, patted myself on the back for doing everything right and moved on with my day. Other moms saw the same thing, knew they did everything right too, and hung their head in shame knowing that strangers looked at their baby's helmeted head and assumed it was due to negligence.
Just a couple weeks ago I saw a post on a baby led weaning Facebook group. A mom asking if anyone else had a baby with a helmet and if so, how they kept it clean at meal time. I was reading the responses, knowing I may be in this situation soon. (And boy does Truman make a mess!) Then I got to one mother's response and it was something like this:
My child doesn't have a helmet so I don't have advice about that. But, my pediatrician told me that so many kids needs helmets because they spend too much time on their backs. So maybe if you lay him in his tummy more, hold him in your lap... have you tried wearing him instead of laying him down?
I already had this blog post created, I just didn't want to publish it until I had an update on Truman. And reading that comment on a thread of dozens of mom's with helmet head babies... heartbreaking! I'm sure the person thought they were being helpful and was completely unaware of their ignorance. But I know some moms read that in sorrow and some in rage.
Are some babies in helmets because their parents didn't do enough tummy time? Perhaps. But I'm sure many more need it due to genetics. And I'm sure they are much more common now than 20 years ago because of medical advancements making them more available.
I'm sorry if my one sided knowledge has ever caused me to judge you. I never realized myself judging the parents when I saw a baby in a helmet, but I must have. Because the thought of Truman in a helmet made me feel judged. And now I wonder, what other issues do I subconsciously judge based on lopsided information I've encountered on Facebook?
What parenting issues would you like to set the record straight on?
An update on Truman: we saw a neurosurgeon Tuesday. Truman is completely in the clear in regards to craniosynostosis, he does not have it nor is there any reason to think sutures in his skull could still fuse too soon. In the past couple months he has been growing into his head and it had been rounding out. Nothing was said at yesterday's appointment about a helmet and since the issue seems to be resolving itself, we didn't inquire. His head will probably always be large, that's just his head... when he gets some hair it probably won't be as noticeable.
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