A Few of My Favorite Things

It's almost 2019 and I thought I'd round up a few of my new favorite things to help other moms start their year off right. Here we go!

To Binge Watch: American Housewife. Currently in its 3rd season on ABC, you can catch up on all you've missed on Hulu. Katie is a mother of 3 living in Westport, Connecticut. She is out of place amongst the other mothers, having considerably less money and being several sizes larger than them. Though most moms don't have these exact obstacles, I think feeling out of place amongst neighboring parents is a common feeling. And of course, many of her family struggles are relatable and hilarious.

To Wear: Lennon gave me these super comfy pajama pants for Christmas. They're insanely soft, light weight (which I love because I sleep with blankets) and they have pockets! I should have bought more pairs, and perhaps someday, I will.

To Drink: Natural Calm is a powder you put in your water  (I use hot water, but I've heard some use cold) that helps relieve stress, build magnesium levels (almost everyone is deficient) and keeps your poops regular. I can't have caffeine right now because Truman is super sensitive to it. So, this drink keeps me feeling peaceful about the fact that I have no energy. Haha. I drink the lemon raspberry flavor, but there are lots of options .

To Eat: Pomegranate! I'm 30 years old and never had fresh pomegranate. I've had pomegranate flavored things and enjoyed them, so I was excited to try the real thing. I love them!! The pomegranate seeds are kind of difficult to remove, but once you remove them, they keep good in the fridge for at least a week. I like to eat them straight. Some people spit out the pit, but I don't. The pit is really good for you. I put pomegranate in this fudge, it goes well in salad, on meat like pork or venison, in yogurt... the possibilities are endless.

To Read: The Empowered Mama: How to Reclaim Your Time and Yourself while Raising a Happy, Healthy Family by Lisa Druxman. My biggest flaw as a mother is definitely not making myself a priority. I try to do too much for too many, with not enough sleep, not enough adult interaction and this blog (that I write all posts to while breastfeeding) being my only hobby. Then I snap. By not taking care of myself, I become a lesser version of myself. I am not as patient with the kids as I desire to be. Not as fun. I can't give what I don't have and I'm severely lacking in many wyas. So, to be a better mother,  I know I need to put more of an effort on taking care of myself. I've only read one chapter in this book, as it's a month by month guide. But it has amazing reviews on Amazon and I look forward to starting the activities in it January 1st.

That's it! What so you recommend I try in 2019?

Holiday Fudge with Pomegranate

I got a little creative this past weekend and decided to try making fudge for the first time. We had about half the seeds of a pomegranate in the fridge so I thought I'd throw them in. It was so yummy.  And only 5 ingredients:
A cup of coconut oil
A cup of cocoa powder
A cup of peanut butter
A cup of maple syrup
Seeds of half a pomegranate
Heat the coconut oil until it is in liquid form. Then mix all ingredients. (Another option is to mix the first 4 ingredients and leave the pomegranate seeds for the top. I feel like it'll look more festive that way as people can see the pretty red seeds... But I liked the taste of them mixed in.) Pour into a glass baking dish. (I used 8.5 x 6.5.) Freeze at least an hour.

Our First Month of Baby Led Weaning

One of my favorite things about being a mother of 3 is how confident I feel this time around. Truman is definitely experiencing babyhood differently than his siblings.  I am not nearly as panicky about SIDS, I know the myths about breastfeeding and have been able to relax and know my body is doing it's job instead of constantly panicking about my supply, and most importantly I don't back down and do things other than how I envisioned just because someone I perceived as more experienced told me to. And in that note, we skipped purees this time around and started baby led weaning with table food the night Truman turned 6 months old.
If any one has questions about the why or the how of baby led weaning, I would be happy to answer any questions regarding that. But, as there is already tons of information regarding that available via a simple Google search, I'll skip that and skip straight to how fun it has been for us.
Watching Truman eat is so fun! Seeing his progress makes me so proud, as he learns to chew (despite no teeth), learns how much he can swallow and masters his pincer grasp. He prefers to eat with silverware if we have silverware, but he's not great at getting the silverware where he wants it to go.  (Obviously age appropriate.) He doesn't enjoy eating alone, always wants someone eating with him. And you better be eating the same thing! And it's so fun to see which things he finds just tolerable versus the things that truly excite him!! I'd say his top 5 foods are: Bacon, Quesadillas, Pizza, Sugar Cookies and Oreos. (Don't let his top 5 fool you, he's eaten lots of fruits and veggies: carrots, asparagus,  broccoli,  peppers, strawberries, raspberries, bananas, pomegranate and more.)
And can we talk about how much food he has already tried? Because I can't eat without him wanting some, he's had almost everything I've had in this month. I kept track of how many foods he's tried, just for fun, with a goal of getting to 100 by his first birthday. Well, I now feel pretty good about the variety of food my family eats because he exceeded 100 foods before he turned 7 months.
Lucille and Lennon are pretty picky eaters. I am hoping that baby led weaning will help Truman to not be such a picky eater.  In a perfect world he'll rub off on his siblings and we'll have a family full of adventurous eaters.... I'm not saying I expect this outcome but a girl can dream, right?

Our Calm Down Area

My feelings are very intense. The good and the bad. Ehen im happy, I am on top if the world!! On the other hand,  30 years in this world and there are times I can't stop spinning my wheels, getting more and more worked up.... dealing with big emotions is hard! So far, my kids seem to feel their emotions as deeply as I do. I've focused a lot of my parenting efforts on helping them identify their emotions and work through them. So long as they can work through the bad emotions, the good emotions make this intensity a very beneficial quality.
Until emotions are expressed completely, they cannot go away. This is true for people in general and very true for me. I try to never discount anyone's feeling for this reason. Through raising my kids though I have found that different people prefer to express these emotions differently.
Lucille is like me (in every possible way) and likes to talk through her emotions with other people. She needs to have her emotions validated.  This is not to say we need everyone to agree with us. But somebody to say "I hear you're feeling nervous, waiting is hard." We're extroverts,  we depend on other people to help us refuel. We often don't realize where our emotions come from or how we can make ourselves feel better until we have an audience to voice our feelings to.
Lennon is an introvert (like my husband). He doesn't want to discuss his emotions with anyone until he has worked them out fully within himself. He is great at telling me " momma I sad!" Or "momma I frustrated!" But prying him with questions to get him to work to the root of those emotions only gets him angry. He's not ready to answer them out loud. I often ask them anyway and say "you don't need to answer but think about it."
Truman's easy. At this age he just needs the boob to make him feel better. But adding him to our family has made it harder for me to tend to my other kid's emotions the second they are feeling them. I decided I needed an area devoted to calming down. A place where Lucille can wait and feel safe in her emotions until she can express them to me like she needs to. A place where Lennon can ponder the questions I've asked him to think about.  A place where they can focus on their bodies. Or read about other kids who are  struggling with their emotions.
So, this is our calm down area. A tiny little window. We love it.

Here's what is currently in it:
A long pillow to sit on or hug
A mermaid pillow, playing with the sequins is very relaxing
A stuffed bee named Hucklebee and the flashcards that go with him. Simple activities that change the kid's focus. For example: count the black parts on Hucklebee, flap Hucklebee's wings to make him fly, etc. (Before Hucklebee got moved there we had a couple hand puppets.)
Some look and find books, again to distract them with a quiet activity
A book about oceans that makes ocean noises
Lots of books about feelings or problems that might relate to their big feelings or just good life lessons. Our current books are:
Little Monkey Calms Down by Michael Dahl
Grumpy Pants by Claire Messer
Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible,  No Good, Very Bad Day by Judith Viorst
Love You Forever by Robert Munsch
The Giving Bear and Oh, Bother! Someone's Messy! (Both are Winnie the Pooh books)
The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein
Zen Shorts by Jon J Muth
My Favorite Things by Rogers and Hammerstein
The Kissing Hand by Audrey Penn
A Child's Book of Blessings and Prayers collected by Eliza Blanchard
The Way I Feel by Janan Cain
Always by Ann Scott
The Three Questions by Jon J  Muth
The Golden Rule by Irene Cooper
I know Santa plans to bring us a few more books for our calm down area. I'm also really hoping he brings us these cards of mindful activities. 
Lucille and Lennon are very proud of their calm down area. They had lots of fun helping pick out the things that go in it. They are also very very protective of this area and everything in it. In general, messes don't bother them... But if 1 book that belongs in the calm down area is spotted somewhere else, watch out! Whoever moved it is getting a lengthy lecture.
I'm so happy with this tiny nook in our house. And I am so proud to be raising emotionally intelligent children. Next thing this momma has to work on, getting them to feel as proud of other areas of our house so there is more motivation to keep it all clean...

Lucille's Adjustment to Pre School

Lucille started preschool in September. The preschool offered through our school is an all day program. Guys, I was nervous. Really nervous. She's been home with me since around her first birthday. She hasn't gone to any daycare or school type program since April 2015 except for her creative dance class that she did last school year. A half an hour class once a week. This was going to be a huge adjustment. I was prepared to pull the plug and keep her home with me another year if it proved to be too huge an adjustment.

3 months into the school year, our girl is obsessed with school. It was an adjustment, but not nearly as difficult as I thought It would be.
The day before school started we had a meet and greet at her school. She was all smiles. In the morning we brought her to the bus. She was still excited. In the afternoon the boys and I went to the bus stop to pick her up... 45 minutes after the bus was supposed to drop her off, it finally arrived. She was sleeping. We got her off the bus and she told us she didn't like school and didn't want to go back. I got home and found I had a message from her teacher that she cried and was missing me a lot that day. She assured me that's normal on day #1 but oh my god, knowing my girl was crying,  looking for me and I wasn't around... heart breaking.
Throughout the evening when I'd try to talk to her about school she just kept telling me how scary the bus was. She didn't talk about any of the fun things they did, didn't complain about missing me, just the fear of the bus. I didn't want to give up on the bus so quickly (she's been excited to ride it for years) but I also didn't want her to hate school because she was scared of the transportation that took her to and from it. We decided to drive her on the 2nd day to see if it helped. What a difference!! She was so happy when we picked her up from school. Her teacher messaged me to tell me she couldn't believe what a difference a day made. I told her about the fear of the bus and she said that made sense because Lucille's weepiness did seem to happen around talks of getting back on the bus to head home.
I'm very lucky. My mother in law works at the school and lives less than a mile away. She now drives her there every morning and the boys and I pick her up. I've brought up the bus a couple times and she panics, so we've decided it's not something worth pushing this year. Lennon says when he goes to school next year he wants to ride the bus. Maybe next year they will ride together.
The first couple weeks of school Lucille would come home extra cranky. Her body was adjusting to a new routine, which is hard. Plus she was still getting comfortable in her new environment and was holding onto many feelings, unleashing them when she got home. It was exhausting to deal with but I understood it was important to be that safe person she could express her feelings to. She'd often say within minutes of being home "mommy, you've been mean to me all day!" Instead of getting defensive and reminding her I haven't been with her most of the day I'd hug her and say "I'm sorry you've had a rough day. You were probably really mad at mommy when you were feeling sad and I wasn't there to talk to you about it. Want to talk now?"
One weekend 2 and a half weeks into the school year things seemed to peak. She was miserable Friday evening and it continued all day Saturday. Sunday I finally figured out what had been bothering her. She had gotten in trouble at school. She was too ashamed to admit it to me so unlike other difficulties she faced, she didn't unload her feelings on to me so she could move on.
So how do you deal with a child who is upset that she got in trouble at school? I had no idea, had to wing it. But it worked well. When she first admitted she got in trouble I just listened and empathisized. She kept saying it was unfair that she was in trouble. I love her teacher and felt confident it was handled fairly, but arguing with her wouldn't let her release her feelings. So I said I was sorry she felt so sad. Then we revisited it later, when she had already gotten the feelings out and was a few hours removed from working through those emotions. Bringing it up again helped her to recognize why she got in trouble and understand that her teacher was trying to help her make better decisions. It repaired her relationship with her teacher. She was able to take responsibility for her poor actions when she understood that everyone makes bad decisions once in awhile and that she can still talk to me about it.
Since then she hasn't had any cranky evenings. For about a month we had frequent cranky rides home. In our first 15 minutes together she'd work through her feelings and disappointments of the day. Her most frequent complaint being that she didn't have a job that day... 16 kids in class and I think 9 job... so, this disappointment just kept repeating itself. But every time she'd dwell on it less. Now, she doesn't even mention if she didn't have a job. Just tells me excitedly which job she had if she did get one.
The first few weeks were rough. But I was amazed how quickly she learned her new routine and expectations and how quickly the evening melt downs ended. I was also scared how she'd react when she found out I was still taking Lennon and Truman on play dates without her. The first time she was really upset, the 2nd time she was mildly upset. Both happened in her first few weeks of school when she was struggling to adjust. Like other situations, I let her be sad but after working through her emotions I explained she's having fun in school so her brothers need to have fun without her and sometimes that meant seeing our friends and cousins. Now, she will ask us about our play dates and cheerfully listen as we describe the fun we had. She never acts envious but happy to hear we've had a good day.
She's gotten in trouble one time since the incident in September.  And guess what? She told me about it as I was buckling her in to her car seat. No holding on to it. She knows it's safe to share all the good and bad events of her day and all her actions, whether they were appropriate or not.
Honestly, I'm just so proud of her for how she's adjusted to school. And I'm proud of myself for how I've fostered this adjustment.

And just like that...I had this post all ready to publish, just wanted to get on my desktop computer and add her school picture. Then Friday she had a cranky day, the crankiest I've seen her since the aforementioned September incident. I let her skip school that day (her very first absence) so we could spend the day as a family (hubby was off work) and see a matinee of Ralph Breaks the Internet. She was great at the movie but other than that was so miserable.  I went to bed Friday night exhausted and puzzled, did something happen at school Thursday she's hanging onto? I guess this phase isn't over yet.... I brought it up Saturday morning... the problem... why did I tell her to skip school Friday?! We should have had our family day and movie day on a day the school was closed!!!! Though I obviously didn't force her to skip and gave her the choice , it was clear she regretted it. So again, I let her unload her frustrations and now she's back to her happy self. No more skipping for her I guess!!