I think we all know this can be applied to politics. But I'm not going there today. I'm going into parent shaming.
A few months ago it was suspected Truman had craniosynostosis. The CT scan revealed he did not, but my new pediatrician wanted me to see a specialist so he could confirm the results and let us know if there was anything else to worry about. It seemed likely he would need a helmet. The thought of this originally panicked me almost as much as surgery had. Why?
I have noticed that I see many more babies in helmets now than I saw in my childhood. And I've seen plenty of articles, memes, etc. regarding why. Basically, lists of activities that you should and should not do with your baby, and a warning that not abiding by these rules will result in your child needing a helmet. I never saw this as offensive, more of a friendly warning. But then when I was told Truman would likely need a helmet all these social media warnings came rushing to my mind. But I did tummy time! He never used a rock and play, rarely used a swing!I did everything right! That's when I realized, I saw those memes, patted myself on the back for doing everything right and moved on with my day. Other moms saw the same thing, knew they did everything right too, and hung their head in shame knowing that strangers looked at their baby's helmeted head and assumed it was due to negligence.
Just a couple weeks ago I saw a post on a baby led weaning Facebook group. A mom asking if anyone else had a baby with a helmet and if so, how they kept it clean at meal time. I was reading the responses, knowing I may be in this situation soon. (And boy does Truman make a mess!) Then I got to one mother's response and it was something like this:
My child doesn't have a helmet so I don't have advice about that. But, my pediatrician told me that so many kids needs helmets because they spend too much time on their backs. So maybe if you lay him in his tummy more, hold him in your lap... have you tried wearing him instead of laying him down?
I already had this blog post created, I just didn't want to publish it until I had an update on Truman. And reading that comment on a thread of dozens of mom's with helmet head babies... heartbreaking! I'm sure the person thought they were being helpful and was completely unaware of their ignorance. But I know some moms read that in sorrow and some in rage.
Are some babies in helmets because their parents didn't do enough tummy time? Perhaps. But I'm sure many more need it due to genetics. And I'm sure they are much more common now than 20 years ago because of medical advancements making them more available.
I'm sorry if my one sided knowledge has ever caused me to judge you. I never realized myself judging the parents when I saw a baby in a helmet, but I must have. Because the thought of Truman in a helmet made me feel judged. And now I wonder, what other issues do I subconsciously judge based on lopsided information I've encountered on Facebook?
What parenting issues would you like to set the record straight on?
An update on Truman: we saw a neurosurgeon Tuesday. Truman is completely in the clear in regards to craniosynostosis, he does not have it nor is there any reason to think sutures in his skull could still fuse too soon. In the past couple months he has been growing into his head and it had been rounding out. Nothing was said at yesterday's appointment about a helmet and since the issue seems to be resolving itself, we didn't inquire. His head will probably always be large, that's just his head... when he gets some hair it probably won't be as noticeable.
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