3 months into the school year, our girl is obsessed with school. It was an adjustment, but not nearly as difficult as I thought It would be.
The day before school started we had a meet and greet at her school. She was all smiles. In the morning we brought her to the bus. She was still excited. In the afternoon the boys and I went to the bus stop to pick her up... 45 minutes after the bus was supposed to drop her off, it finally arrived. She was sleeping. We got her off the bus and she told us she didn't like school and didn't want to go back. I got home and found I had a message from her teacher that she cried and was missing me a lot that day. She assured me that's normal on day #1 but oh my god, knowing my girl was crying, looking for me and I wasn't around... heart breaking.
Throughout the evening when I'd try to talk to her about school she just kept telling me how scary the bus was. She didn't talk about any of the fun things they did, didn't complain about missing me, just the fear of the bus. I didn't want to give up on the bus so quickly (she's been excited to ride it for years) but I also didn't want her to hate school because she was scared of the transportation that took her to and from it. We decided to drive her on the 2nd day to see if it helped. What a difference!! She was so happy when we picked her up from school. Her teacher messaged me to tell me she couldn't believe what a difference a day made. I told her about the fear of the bus and she said that made sense because Lucille's weepiness did seem to happen around talks of getting back on the bus to head home.
I'm very lucky. My mother in law works at the school and lives less than a mile away. She now drives her there every morning and the boys and I pick her up. I've brought up the bus a couple times and she panics, so we've decided it's not something worth pushing this year. Lennon says when he goes to school next year he wants to ride the bus. Maybe next year they will ride together.
The first couple weeks of school Lucille would come home extra cranky. Her body was adjusting to a new routine, which is hard. Plus she was still getting comfortable in her new environment and was holding onto many feelings, unleashing them when she got home. It was exhausting to deal with but I understood it was important to be that safe person she could express her feelings to. She'd often say within minutes of being home "mommy, you've been mean to me all day!" Instead of getting defensive and reminding her I haven't been with her most of the day I'd hug her and say "I'm sorry you've had a rough day. You were probably really mad at mommy when you were feeling sad and I wasn't there to talk to you about it. Want to talk now?"
One weekend 2 and a half weeks into the school year things seemed to peak. She was miserable Friday evening and it continued all day Saturday. Sunday I finally figured out what had been bothering her. She had gotten in trouble at school. She was too ashamed to admit it to me so unlike other difficulties she faced, she didn't unload her feelings on to me so she could move on.
So how do you deal with a child who is upset that she got in trouble at school? I had no idea, had to wing it. But it worked well. When she first admitted she got in trouble I just listened and empathisized. She kept saying it was unfair that she was in trouble. I love her teacher and felt confident it was handled fairly, but arguing with her wouldn't let her release her feelings. So I said I was sorry she felt so sad. Then we revisited it later, when she had already gotten the feelings out and was a few hours removed from working through those emotions. Bringing it up again helped her to recognize why she got in trouble and understand that her teacher was trying to help her make better decisions. It repaired her relationship with her teacher. She was able to take responsibility for her poor actions when she understood that everyone makes bad decisions once in awhile and that she can still talk to me about it.
Since then she hasn't had any cranky evenings. For about a month we had frequent cranky rides home. In our first 15 minutes together she'd work through her feelings and disappointments of the day. Her most frequent complaint being that she didn't have a job that day... 16 kids in class and I think 9 job... so, this disappointment just kept repeating itself. But every time she'd dwell on it less. Now, she doesn't even mention if she didn't have a job. Just tells me excitedly which job she had if she did get one.
The first few weeks were rough. But I was amazed how quickly she learned her new routine and expectations and how quickly the evening melt downs ended. I was also scared how she'd react when she found out I was still taking Lennon and Truman on play dates without her. The first time she was really upset, the 2nd time she was mildly upset. Both happened in her first few weeks of school when she was struggling to adjust. Like other situations, I let her be sad but after working through her emotions I explained she's having fun in school so her brothers need to have fun without her and sometimes that meant seeing our friends and cousins. Now, she will ask us about our play dates and cheerfully listen as we describe the fun we had. She never acts envious but happy to hear we've had a good day.
She's gotten in trouble one time since the incident in September. And guess what? She told me about it as I was buckling her in to her car seat. No holding on to it. She knows it's safe to share all the good and bad events of her day and all her actions, whether they were appropriate or not.
Honestly, I'm just so proud of her for how she's adjusted to school. And I'm proud of myself for how I've fostered this adjustment.
And just like that...I had this post all ready to publish, just wanted to get on my desktop computer and add her school picture. Then Friday she had a cranky day, the crankiest I've seen her since the aforementioned September incident. I let her skip school that day (her very first absence) so we could spend the day as a family (hubby was off work) and see a matinee of Ralph Breaks the Internet. She was great at the movie but other than that was so miserable. I went to bed Friday night exhausted and puzzled, did something happen at school Thursday she's hanging onto? I guess this phase isn't over yet.... I brought it up Saturday morning... the problem... why did I tell her to skip school Friday?! We should have had our family day and movie day on a day the school was closed!!!! Though I obviously didn't force her to skip and gave her the choice , it was clear she regretted it. So again, I let her unload her frustrations and now she's back to her happy self. No more skipping for her I guess!!
No comments:
Post a Comment