Until emotions are expressed completely, they cannot go away. This is true for people in general and very true for me. I try to never discount anyone's feeling for this reason. Through raising my kids though I have found that different people prefer to express these emotions differently.
Lucille is like me (in every possible way) and likes to talk through her emotions with other people. She needs to have her emotions validated. This is not to say we need everyone to agree with us. But somebody to say "I hear you're feeling nervous, waiting is hard." We're extroverts, we depend on other people to help us refuel. We often don't realize where our emotions come from or how we can make ourselves feel better until we have an audience to voice our feelings to.
Lennon is an introvert (like my husband). He doesn't want to discuss his emotions with anyone until he has worked them out fully within himself. He is great at telling me " momma I sad!" Or "momma I frustrated!" But prying him with questions to get him to work to the root of those emotions only gets him angry. He's not ready to answer them out loud. I often ask them anyway and say "you don't need to answer but think about it."
Truman's easy. At this age he just needs the boob to make him feel better. But adding him to our family has made it harder for me to tend to my other kid's emotions the second they are feeling them. I decided I needed an area devoted to calming down. A place where Lucille can wait and feel safe in her emotions until she can express them to me like she needs to. A place where Lennon can ponder the questions I've asked him to think about. A place where they can focus on their bodies. Or read about other kids who are struggling with their emotions.
So, this is our calm down area. A tiny little window. We love it.
Here's what is currently in it:
A long pillow to sit on or hug
A mermaid pillow, playing with the sequins is very relaxing
A stuffed bee named Hucklebee and the flashcards that go with him. Simple activities that change the kid's focus. For example: count the black parts on Hucklebee, flap Hucklebee's wings to make him fly, etc. (Before Hucklebee got moved there we had a couple hand puppets.)
Some look and find books, again to distract them with a quiet activity
A book about oceans that makes ocean noises
Lots of books about feelings or problems that might relate to their big feelings or just good life lessons. Our current books are:
Little Monkey Calms Down by Michael Dahl
Grumpy Pants by Claire Messer
Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day by Judith Viorst
Love You Forever by Robert Munsch
The Giving Bear and Oh, Bother! Someone's Messy! (Both are Winnie the Pooh books)
The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein
Zen Shorts by Jon J Muth
My Favorite Things by Rogers and Hammerstein
The Kissing Hand by Audrey Penn
A Child's Book of Blessings and Prayers collected by Eliza Blanchard
The Way I Feel by Janan Cain
Always by Ann Scott
The Three Questions by Jon J Muth
The Golden Rule by Irene Cooper
I know Santa plans to bring us a few more books for our calm down area. I'm also really hoping he brings us these cards of mindful activities.
Lucille and Lennon are very proud of their calm down area. They had lots of fun helping pick out the things that go in it. They are also very very protective of this area and everything in it. In general, messes don't bother them... But if 1 book that belongs in the calm down area is spotted somewhere else, watch out! Whoever moved it is getting a lengthy lecture.
I'm so happy with this tiny nook in our house. And I am so proud to be raising emotionally intelligent children. Next thing this momma has to work on, getting them to feel as proud of other areas of our house so there is more motivation to keep it all clean...
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